Feelings have cooled down... What to do if feelings for a man have passed and cooled down? How to bring back old feelings and relationships that have cooled down If feelings have cooled down nothing will help

Fruits and berries 15.04.2022

Fruits and berries

It often happens when the feelings of lovers cool down over time and cease to play an important role in life. What to do if a man has lost his temper? What to do? After all, at a certain point, even couples living in peace, harmony and understanding come to a period when it becomes a little boring.

What to do if feelings have cooled?

Firstly, there is no need to make scandals, be offended by each other, ignore each other in any situation, avoid conversations or go off to the side in search of thrills.

On the contrary, you need to try to renew the relationship, warm up those feelings that have cooled down, dispel, change the situation that has been blinking before your eyes for so many years.

If a woman asks the question “What to do if your feelings have cooled?”, it means that she cares about her loved one and is trying to fix it.

6 tips for those whose feelings have cooled

In order to return cooled feelings you need:

Try to remember what exactly heated up the situation between you, remember all the conflict situations. What did it all lead to and where did it all begin? Understand the reasons for your quarrels and conflicts.

After all, scandals, quarrels, conflicts, negative emotions are the first thing in life that causes cool feelings. After all, negative communication has two continuations - either a quarrel causes passion, or a quarrel alienates each other;

Try to understand yourself and your loved one. Evaluate yourself, your character, find the flaws and good character traits in yourself. Find the same thing in your spouse.

If it seems to you that a man has grown cold, then try to understand what exactly you like about your spouse and what you cannot stand in his actions and character. Ask him to do the same. After analyzing yourself and your spouse, think about what you can change from the list you receive;

Remember all the good times you had with your spouse. It was those moments when it was just good for you and him to be together, and nothing more. Good memories will bring you back towards your spouse and help some feelings return;

Challenge your loved one to have a direct and frank conversation. It should take place in an atmosphere of complete calm and peacefulness. Do not express a negative attitude towards the actions of your significant other, do not make claims or reproaches. It is quite possible that the distance in your relationship arose for reasons related neither to your loved one nor to you. It is possible that your loved one has problems at work or is being pestered by relatives. The created psycho-emotional mood most likely affects your relationship.

Get closer. Spend some time alone, go out of town, go on a hike together in nature or another quiet place. Forget for a while all your everyday problems and get rid of everything that annoys you. Enjoy being with each other.

Also change something about yourself. Be around more often, sit together, watch a movie, go out into nature, change everyday life for wild weekends. If your feelings have cooled, try to diversify your life.

How to understand that a man is cooling off

When you begin to feel that your loved one has begun to treat you less reverently and affectionately, without that delight and that sparkle in his eyes that was there before, it is very upsetting and frightening. What's happened? Maybe it just seems that way to you? How do you know that he has lost interest in you, and not just tired or that your relationship has entered a calm phase?

Compliments. You no longer listen to hundreds of them a day. You practically beg them from your lover. He has no time to say them, he has more important things to do. And you are always beautiful, he told you, you don’t have to come up with such questions anymore;

He doesn't even notice the changes in your appearance. Doesn't react if he doesn't like it. “Have you changed your hairstyle? I didn't even notice. Yes, it’s fine, it’ll do,” is the standard answer of an ordinary man. By these words you can tell that a man has lost his temper. Remember how he behaved before when you changed something in yourself;

Calls you less and less often. This includes meetings. They are very rare and fleeting. After all, he is all about business. He is no longer attracted to you with your wit. You become a burden to him;

You're annoying him. He no longer sees the beauty with which he fell in love, and this infuriates him. Many empty quarrels arise on this basis. He doesn't like every word you say. He begins to think that you are doing all this on purpose. Your relationship is under threat, it seems that you will soon have to find out that the guy has lost interest in you;

Your own business. The differentiation of all previously common matters begins. He tells you that his affairs are none of your business. He does not tell (or very sparingly) what is happening at work or with his parents. Another unpleasant way to find out that a guy has cooled off;

Not “We”, but “I” and “You,” he says more and more often. There is no longer the concept of “we”. He tries to emphasize this with all his gestures and words. Don't get mad at him for this, he may be doing it subconsciously. Just not understanding everything that is happening.

Be careful!

Everyone has difficult moments in love and life. If several of the above signs coincide with your reality, you should not cut your relationship short. Analyze. How often do these points appear in your life? Under what circumstances? Is it constant or at intervals? How long are these gaps?

If you are no longer thinking about how to find out that a guy has lost interest, and you are 100% sure of this, do not wait for him to tell you everything himself - men do not like to talk about relationships and often do not know how to do it. Start a conversation yourself and try to find out that maybe the reason with him is not you, but his problems, and he has no time for feelings right now. Or maybe his feelings really go away...

Inhale new life into your relationship. Surprise him with yourself. Let him fall in love again and again. You should be everything to him: the sun, the moon, the stars and oxygen. He must understand that he cannot breathe without you. You are a drug that should always be nearby with a new dose.

Signs of a cold man

“People meet, people fall in love, get married,” famous words from a good song. It's wonderful when two people love each other. But love does not always last long. It happens that in the life of every girl there comes a period when problems begin in love affairs.

When such a moment comes in a relationship, the girl willy-nilly wonders if her boyfriend has lost interest in her and what she should do next to interest him again.

How do you know that a man has lost interest in you? And what to do if a man has lost his temper? In search of an answer to this question, girls most often look to their friends for advice, but there are several basic indicators by which you can determine whether your partner has cooled off or not.

It is worth taking a closer look at how his behavior, gaze, words, facial expressions have changed. What and how he reacts.

You need to evaluate how far he has moved away from you. What has remained the same, how he talks to you, what is wrong in intonation and where his gaze is most often directed at the moment of conversation.

To find out that a man has lost interest in you, you need to analyze the main reasons for his unusual behavior. Try to figure out what caused your partner’s unusual behavior. Maybe you are just tired of each other, or maybe your behavior somehow pushes him away, forcing you to behave this way.

Analyze your behavior, try to determine exactly how your behavior has changed, try to identify those moments at which you yourself remove your partner, or try to control him very much. Change your behavior, look at things more simply. Try to understand him, listen. You need to talk to him honestly about what happened to you and what’s in his soul.

If your young man makes contact, it means that he also noticed the changes and wants to return everything back. If he is simply surprised and does not want to solve the problem, this means that your relationship has outlived its usefulness, it’s time to put an end to it, the man has lost interest in you. In the case when a partner tries to mutually solve the problem, do not forget that the relationship is a pairs game in which the team consists of two people.

If you follow these tips, you will always be able to find the answer to the question: how do you know if he has lost interest in you? This has always been, is and will be.

Over time, family or love relationship tend to be “covered with a slight patina of everyday life.” You no longer kiss each other while watching a good old melodrama, you won’t get flowers from him for no reason, and there’s no talk of surprises at all.

Bouquets of flowers, kisses while watching your favorite melodrama, surprises disappear. How to renew relationships using simple means? The answer is quite elementary.

Your significant other deserves your constant attention. Most couples simply get bogged down in the everyday routine, forgetting over time to even ask about how her or his day went, what’s new at work (at training, at school, etc.)

But romantic relationships are based on mutual interest. Even if you are unbearably exhausted by a working day, and your only goal is to fall into bed as quickly as possible, do not deprive your significant other of your attention - even half an hour will be enough for this.

A gentle touch, a romantic kiss will give you two unforgettable moments of joy and satisfaction and help renew your relationship;

Do not forget about the interests of your beloved (lover), trying to diversify your life with romantic actions. Let's say you planned to go to the theater or watch a new comedy, and he has already bought a ticket to the final match of the season - make concessions to him.

Reschedule your visit to a performance or film screening to another day. Just tell him about your plans and together reschedule the cultural trip to another date convenient for the two of you;

Take care of your other half. Simply caring for each other can make your relationship very romantic. A cup of aromatic coffee in bed, prepared before waking up, a bath with aromatic coffee - and tenderness in your relationship can be guaranteed.

From attention to concrete actions

Let's move on to a more specific plan to "renew the relationship." Organize a romantic dinner, for no reason, just because. Such actions are very romantic. Return from work a little earlier, cook his favorite dishes, decorate the apartment. Be sure to buy candles and fill your glasses with sparkling wine. This turn of events will greatly surprise your lover;

We write love notes like in childhood. Leave romantic messages for each other on the refrigerator, bathroom mirror, or nightstand. Just draw a heart or write a declaration of love. Try to correspond, correspond, each time indicating why you love each other.

How should a woman behave if a man has lost interest in her?

The lack of new impressions and sensations turns a happy life together into an everyday routine. How to avoid this phenomenon and how to renew relationships? The correct answer to this question, and mainly the ability to answer it correctly, can save any marriage from an inevitable split.

To begin with, remember the times when you just met - you will agree, then there were more smiles, jokes and other pleasant and interesting little things. In other words, then, in order to please your partner, you tried to be interesting and original. In order for your relationship to last long and happily in the future, nothing prevents you from repeating your past experience and going back to the beginning;

Change your usual and tired home environment - to renew your relationship, add some zest to your relationship. Such changes can be of different scales. You can simply rearrange the furniture in the apartment, start renovations, buy new things, or move altogether - the surrounding life also has great value;

Try changing your image. For example, start with your hair - visit a salon and get a model haircut. You can change your hair color, do make-up. Come up with an individual clothing style for yourself. If until now sports or classics were your everything, try on a romantic look. Take the risk of wearing something you’ve always dreamed of but never dared to wear.

Common goals, leisure and a little psychology

What to do if a man has lost his temper? Nothing brings people together like doing something together. Draw yourself a plan or set a long-term goal, the implementation of which will require joint efforts. You can, for example, learn to play tennis and from now on visit the court together. Another option is to start saving money with your husband to buy a new house, car, etc.;

Analyze the current state of affairs in your relationship, your behavior, actions. The same scenario for every day, the same holidays, shopping trips and other “everyday routine” drags you into a gray routine. To renew your relationship, add something long forgotten to your daily routine.

For example, go with your significant other to a restaurant, have a candlelit dinner in your apartment, dance somewhere like in your youth. Take advantage of some original approaches: you can attend a joint cooking class, take part in a bowling tournament, or go to a couples fitness class. Cheer on your local (or favorite) football team - it will reawaken your old passion;

In the end, just have a heart-to-heart talk with him, sometimes even this is quite enough. Share your thoughts, doubts, fears, discuss the situation together and decide on further actions.

Almost all couples sooner or later experience a period when the romantic candy-bouquet period is left behind, interest in the partner disappears and the relationship turns into gray, boring everyday life. And often couples don't know what to do when their feelings have cooled. According to psychologists, this usually happens in the 3rd year of a relationship, when a man and a woman already know each other well and have stopped enjoying each other and surprising each other. This period accounts for most of the divorces and separations. However, everything is not so sad and hopeless. If your feelings have cooled down, but you still want to save the relationship, there are many ways to revive it.

To begin with, realize and accept the fact that routine and boredom in relationships are completely normal. This phenomenon is due to the fact that the partners are accustomed to each other. Hence the first tip:

Don't sit still, change

This applies to both appearance and inner world. After all, of course, before this relationship you had much more favorite activities and hobbies. But then feelings crowded them out: due to lack of time, you abandoned all your hobbies - and you were absolutely wrong. Develop as a person: watch new films, read, do beadwork, design, board or psychological games, journalism, astrology, psychology, go to fitness or sign up for oriental dancing, yoga, hairdressing or makeup courses. Then you will always have something to talk about.

Pay more attention to your appearance

Love yourself so that your man will love you too. Most Western women, when they begin to live together, are confident that the man will not go anywhere and stop taking care of themselves; it becomes normal to appear before their loved one in an old, worn-out robe, unkempt and with peeling nail polish. But once upon a time you spent 2 hours getting ready for a date in order to be the most beautiful for him! Revive this tradition - always be well-groomed and sexy: buy yourself new beautiful lingerie, get an unusual intimate haircut.

Try to diversify your leisure time together

Organize romantic evening. If circumstances permit, arrange a trip for two, if not abroad, then at least to any nearby resort. Even if it’s only a 2-day weekend, a change of scenery will undoubtedly have a beneficial effect on the general atmosphere of your relationship. If it is not possible to go outside the city, book a hotel room and make an appointment with him there. Or at least have a romantic dinner at home: with unusual dishes, candles, music and a fragrant bath. Let this time be only yours.

Be interested in his life

Always ask how his day went, try to delve into his affairs, even if it is not at all interesting. This way he will understand that he is still interested in you.

Create common activities

Moreover, try to take into account common interests. If you both like active recreation, go hiking or skating. Invite your loved one to a tango lesson - this passionate Argentinean dance will awaken your senses and make you look at each other with fresh eyes. Go to football games with him, delve into the details and cheer together. If it’s so difficult for you to find points of intersection, try combining and alternating your interests: let’s say today you go to the theater, and tomorrow to the skating rink or the pool.

Don't forget about physical intimacy

Since the time of Freud, it has been established that intimate relationships play an important role in the life of every individual and, especially, in the life of a couple. Trying to awaken dormant feelings, add variety to the intimate sphere: experiment, read relevant literature, watch films, go to an intimate goods store. The intimate entertainment industry is so diverse now that you can choose something special for the most demanding taste. After all, spontaneity and surprise are also great ways to spice up your relationship. And, in addition, you have at your disposal a whole arsenal of oriental women and geishas: private dance, role-playing games, erotic massage - no one, even the coldest man, can resist this.

Don't obsess over each other

Communication with other people is vital for every person. Therefore, try to organize joint outings with friends more often, invite guests to your place, throw parties, go to clubs. As a result, you will feel younger and your feelings will flare up with renewed vigor.

Intrigue your loved one

Of course, you should not act out scenes from Othello, but periodically demonstrate your independence. A small dose of bitchiness will not harm the relationship - you can “accidentally” mention something about a new fan or acquaintance. Let him not think that you are his forever and will not get away from him. A man should value you, just as you should value him.

Pay attention to your man

Write sweet text messages, but don’t overdo it so as not to seem intrusive. Periodically arrange small surprises and give symbolic gifts. As you know, we receive exactly as much as we give. Before you know it, your chosen one will again shower you with flowers and carry you in his arms.

Stop swearing over little things and nagging your man

React more calmly to everyday problems. Instead of once again expressing a bunch of complaints to your loved one, smile charmingly and tell him that you love him. This way, a potential quarrel will turn into a passionate kiss.

At first glance, it may seem that all these simple little things take up a lot of time and effort, but you shouldn’t turn your whole life into a campaign to return old feelings. It is enough just to work on your relationship periodically, but strictly regularly, several days a month, and you will survive the crisis in your relationship.

Act as if this is not your regular partner, but a stranger whose heart you need to win. Look at him with different eyes, admire him, fall in love and fall in love with yourself - and then your fairy tale of love will last forever.

Love is the most beautiful feeling of all, hitherto known to man. It helps you enjoy life and create, gives inspiration and faith in the best. But sometimes she leaves without warning. And there comes a moment when a person notices that the “half” seems to be slipping through his fingers. Of course, you shouldn’t prepare for such a moment in advance, because it may not happen. But if you notice in time that your partner is beginning to “cool down,” there is a chance to return the old feelings.

Be more attentive to the details: it is in them that the answer to the secret question is hidden, which we often address to daisies - seemingly for the sake of a joke, but at the same time, like children, we wait with bated breath for a miracle. You need to understand that in any relationship there are ups and downs, times of calm and moments when smoldering embers can flare up with renewed vigor. But in the situations discussed below, something clearly went wrong...

1. Anna Karenina in Leo Tolstoy’s novel of the same name began to irritate her husband’s ears. If something like this happens to you - something that used to not cause a reaction, but now it catches your eye all the time, or something that you liked is now repulsive - most likely, big changes have occurred in your relationship.

2. They look at you a little, that is, eye contact has become less prolonged and expressive. People smile at you less often. If you look closely, you will notice that they are holding their breath in your presence. Or you began to notice such an attitude towards your partner.

3. Very often a person who stops feeling love for his partner begins to touch him less and less. He has no need or desire to feel the person he once loved. Even if he is in a small room, he will try to avoid mutual touches, and if this cannot be avoided, they will not be affectionate and warm, like those of a person in love.

4. As soon as a man and a woman stop laughing at the same jokes and making fun of each other, it’s time to revive the relationship if you still care about your partner. The ability to laugh at what is happening, at funny and difficult situations, not only helps to live, but also indicates harmony between people.

5. You notice that you become uninterested in almost everything that your partner says or might say. Communication with him seems to take all your energy. The partner, for his part, may not support the proposed topic, but rather strive to “collapse” it. Conversations mainly concern formal things that simply have nowhere to go, or are started simply to take time and maintain a semblance of contact.

6. A loving couple is characterized by a desire to jointly develop plans to achieve goals that are important to them. Reluctance to share plans or discuss decisions that affect your future life together should be a warning to you that your partner has stopped feeling strong emotions for you. And if such secrecy was not inherent in him right away, it’s worth thinking about how to correct the situation before everything went too far.

7. Rare phone calls also indicate that your partner has stopped loving you. At the beginning of a relationship, any man strives to win a woman, constantly calling her and checking how she is in her mood, what she does, and how she treats him. When the love is gone, the man doesn’t care, and he bothers himself with calls less and less. And he begins to answer the chosen one’s calls later and later, citing urgent matters.

8. Often, with or without a minor reason, your partner (or you) has an irritated tone in a conversation. Increasingly, scandals arise in couples over and especially without reason.

9. During a showdown, the partner does not strive for constructive solution problems, but is simply trying to hurt, offend and humiliate you as much as possible. It is as if he is trying to force you to be the first to abandon this relationship, creating an unbearable environment in which it is impossible to live.

10. If they don’t argue with you, they may simply remain dejectedly silent - as if holding the answer or remark inside themselves. The partner withdraws into himself and stops participating in family life, preferring to throw myself headlong into work or some hobby.

11. You periodically catch yourself feeling that everything has already been said between you, nothing new will happen and you just have to tolerate the person who has quietly become a stranger to you. There is a vague feeling that you are wasting your time.

12. Under any pretext on weekends, your “other half” tries to disappear from home, preferring to spend his free time with friends (it is possible that with a new potential “other half”). It is especially alarming if, before leaving home, the partner’s mood noticeably increases, and he examines himself in the mirror more pickily than usual.

13. If a partner indifferently watches how his significant other is flirting with someone else (or someone is trying to flirt with her), then things are bad: as they say, “the love has passed, the tomatoes have withered.” And the time of separation here depends on whether the lovers are married or just living together. The main thing is not to mistake an offended and demonstratively turned away partner for an indifferent statue!

14. See if your other half is hiding something? If he or she stays with his or her device and closes the screen when he or she thinks you might be snooping, you probably have something serious to think about. Unless they are preparing a surprise birthday party for you or looking for a gift in an online store. But this will be more of an isolated incident rather than a permanent behavior.

15. If you are almost sure that your partner is playing a double game, and you are determined to take him to clean water, use the bluff method. Make a serious face and say convincingly: “I know everything.” If the “other half” is really lying up to her ears, she will buy it and give herself away completely. In the worst case, you can definitely find out what you only guessed about. In the best case, you will find out that you were needlessly beating yourself up, and your loved one has been afraid for weeks to admit that it was he who accidentally broke your favorite cup.

my19edwin.livejournal.com

How to find out that he has cooled down, Why feelings cool down

He doesn't even notice the changes in your appearance. Doesn't react if he doesn't like it. “Have you changed your hairstyle? I didn't even notice. Yes, it’s fine, it’ll do,” is the standard answer of an ordinary man. By these words you can tell that the guy has lost his temper. Remember how he behaved before when you changed something in yourself;

Breathe new life into your relationship. Surprise him with yourself. Let him fall in love again and again. You should be everything to him: the sun, the moon, the stars and oxygen. He must understand that he cannot breathe without you. You are a drug that should always be nearby with a new dose.

When such a moment comes in a relationship, the girl willy-nilly wonders if her boyfriend has lost interest in her and what she should do next to interest him again.

How do you know that a man has lost interest in you? In search of an answer to this question, girls most often look to their friends for advice, but there are several basic indicators by which you can determine whether your partner has cooled off or not.

It is worth taking a closer look at how his behavior, gaze, words, facial expressions have changed. What and how he reacts.

If you follow these tips, you will always be able to find the answer to the question: how do you know that he has lost interest in you? This has always been, is and will be.

Relationships that heat up too quickly can fizzle out just as quickly (and this happens quite often). Did your flame go out? According to my research, flame extinction is characterized by three types of behavior. Do any of them apply to you?

Reason 1 why feelings cool down: premature emotional intimacy

Why do feelings cool down? Confessing your personal feelings too early will create the illusion of deep emotional intimacy. Even if you only met once or twice, you ended up hanging out on the phone with him, surfing the Internet, or hanging out in your hopes and dreams. You think that you are a real couple or will soon become one. but you don’t have the safety net of time spent together, and you haven’t yet earned the trust that would help you overcome the bumpy road.

Connor, a thirty-three-year-old chef from Nantucket, Massachusetts, shared with me his regrets about his girlfriend, Madeline, whom he met last summer. “There was an immediate attraction between us, and I knew there could be a long-term relationship with her,” he told me.

Five days were enough for their first three dates, and during these meetings the young people told each other about everything: about a difficult childhood, about being fired, about the details of breaking up with exes, even about sexual fantasies. Connor said, “No slow burn, all wild fire!” - “So what happened? Why do feelings cool down? – I asked in a tired voice, because I knew what would happen next.

Of course, Connor was far from the first man to describe this syndrome to me. “Well, on our fourth date, we were sitting next to an exhausted mother who was trying to calm down her children, and Madeline whispered to me that she didn’t understand how some women managed without a nanny.

It was as if I had been punched in the stomach: Madeline was not what I had imagined her to be. I started putting the pieces of the puzzle together: she said that she went to boarding school, that she always had a nanny with her. We just look at the world differently. I realized that she was not for me."

Connor explained why he reacted so strongly: he was raised by nannies, he felt like a child abandoned by his parents, and did not want his children to grow up among nannies or be brought up in a boarding school. I asked if he had discussed this topic of why feelings were cooling with Madeline, because I was convinced that she would understand and in time they would find a solution, although such a conversation might seem premature.

But as soon as I asked Connor this question, I immediately realized my mistake: you can only offer a discussion of a serious emotional problem and solve it when you are already a real couple. Here it is, the stumbling block: Madeline and Connor have not yet become a real couple.

They have not taken the first steps to regulate their communication, nor have they achieved the fairness in their relationships that is necessary to value compromise. This was only their fourth date!

Connor concluded: “We are too different; I retreated before we could hurt each other.” Their connection was so fragile that it broke easily. He never told Madeline what really happened (and I'm sure she's still wondering).

Why do feelings cool down? The imagination of my other interlocutors turned on after a couple of incorrect answers, email ex-girlfriend, a nightmare, a few warnings from a therapist, or watching a movie about divorce (note: never let a guy watch The Squid and the Whale on the first date!). The problem is that if the relationship moves too quickly, the man falls in love not with you, but with his fantasy of you.

If a relationship moves too quickly, a man falls in love not with you, but with his fantasy of you. If he sees the edge of reality or experiences discomfort while the glue has not yet hardened, you do not have time to stick to each other.

Reason 2 why feelings cool down: premature physical intimacy

I heard a surprising number of stories about this type of behavior from my Interlocutors! To be honest, they are all banal. The guys mentally separated girls without a chance for a serious relationship, sexual partners (including friendly and too early sex), from those for whom they had special feelings.

Of course, everyone knows not to have sex on the first date, but after the first date the lines become blurred. Men can't respect women who sleep with them right away. But. uh. we should give the word “immediately” a more precise definition.

Why do feelings cool down? If your first date lasted seven hours, and then you talked on the phone for ten hours, poured out your soul in emails, and it seems to you that you have known each other all your lives, although you have only formally met three times – is that “immediately”? YES, GIRLS, IT'S IMMEDIATELY!

There are so many problems with premature sex, I don't even know where to start. Toby, a twenty-nine-year-old sound engineer from Livonia, Michigan, called sex with girls he barely knew "half-hearted."

Even if he had a very emotional date, he, naturally, did not yet have time to fall in love with the girl, so he “received half - a body without a soul.” He said that in such cases the hug is not real. The same goes for meaningful sighs. Toby assured me, “I won’t say no, but that’s not what makes me fall in love.”

Rabin, a thirty-one-year-old chemist from Hartford, Connecticut, said: “At the beginning of a relationship, I do not yet know the woman well enough to objectively assess the extent of our relationship. sexual compatibility.

If she amazes me with some great skill, it can be exciting, but perhaps she has done this before (more than once) with other men. If I like a woman, it will definitely turn me off. And if she is reserved, it becomes boring. How do I know if she’s being reserved because we barely know each other, or if she always looks like a dead fish in bed?”

Men are bored with available sex, which is why feelings cool down. They say that they have had plenty of casual relationships (often in their teens), so now they want something different.

And there is no man in the world who would believe yours: “I had sex for the first time with a guy I just met.” In addition, men are bored with available sex. Are you surprised? But they say that they had a lot of casual relationships (often in their teens), so now they want something different.

For example, so that anticipation builds over time as they truly get to know the woman. A guy rarely refuses temptation, that’s how men are made, but it’s unlikely that he’ll want to serious relationship with this particular woman, and then she will think: why do feelings cool down?

Marshall, a thirty-four-year-old sales representative from Delaware, Delaware, said, “I think she confused sexual attraction with romantic attraction.” Anton, a thirty-six-year-old barbershop owner from Boston, Massachusetts, described how easy it is to get oral sex on the first or second date. “All these fleeting connections only increase my hunger for real intimacy.”

Miles, a 30-year-old travel agency consultant from La Jolla, Calif., coyly said he was looking for a woman who only takes her clothes off for special moments: “Call me old-fashioned, but girls who take off their clothes for 'almost sex' are the same as those who who undress for real sex; It seems to me that they don’t have real sex in order to play the role correctly, and not because it can’t be done without real affection.”

semejnyj-sajt.ru

Why do relationships cool down? Reasons.

In the previous parts of the article “Why Love Dies,” we talked about women’s and men’s mistakes that have a detrimental effect on mutual sexual attraction and, as a result, romantic feelings, as well as how to correctly talk with a partner about his mistakes and problems in relationships.

In this part, we will discuss what other factors have a bad effect on relationships and make love fade away.

Why does love go away?

Whatever the reasons for the cooling of feelings we talk about, in the end it almost always comes down to one thing: specific habits and actions of partners that are not beneficial for the relationship.

Look: when we talked about mistakes in behavior (throwing away dirty things, failure to maintain personal hygiene, etc.) - these are all the habits and actions of a person in everyday life.

When we talked about the inability to competently conduct a conversation with a partner - this is the habit of expressing complaints in the form of shouting or the habit of keeping everything to yourself, etc.

Therefore, the question “Why does love leave?” essentially comes down to listing those actions and habits of a man and a woman that in one way or another harm the relationship.

In fact, I would like to think that there are no people so stupid that they are truly absolutely incapable of understanding that certain of their actions are at least not beneficial for the relationship.

Yes, we are used to doing this, that and that (bathing once a week, getting drunk, motivating another person with abuse and jokes, eating a lot, not striving for development, not showing our feelings or talking about everything, not brushing our teeth, not paying attention to the mess in the house... - everyone has their own shortcomings, and we often simply don’t think about our habits and actions: we just do something or don’t do something), but if you sit down and analyze each of your actions, it’s not at all difficult to understand Is it beneficial for the relationship or not.

Our entire world is based on cause-effect relationships, and we, whatever one may say, are rational beings, and in theory should be able to predict and evaluate the cause-effect chain, at least in our own relationships.

Some actions and habits are not bad in themselves, but they are bad when it comes to the relationship between a man and a woman.

For example, there is nothing wrong with being a very open person and loving to tell everything about yourself: but if your friends can listen with interest to your story with the smallest details about a trip to the gynecologist, then for a man this will be unnecessary. And here you either do not change yourself and expect that the man will react the same way as your girlfriends, or you slightly adjust your habit so as not to damage the relationship.

Or, generally speaking, there is nothing strange about going to the toilet without closing the door when you are alone at home (well, a little strange, of course, but it does not harm anyone), but if you do the same thing in front of a man, it will already harm.

It is very important to remember that a man is not a girlfriend and, especially, not you yourself. A man is a slightly different creature simply because he is a man; not only his physiology is structured differently, but also his brain itself, and this is extremely important.

Therefore, statements like: “We are one with him, he is my soul mate, like loving people Can there be at least some secrets and secrets from each other? A relationship without trust has no future!”

That's right, a relationship without trust has no future. But do you know what is wrong with such an objection? The fact is that the concept of “trust” does not include the obligation to do everything in front of another person or dump all your shortcomings on him without trying to improve. It's not included at all. So there is no need to confuse warm with soft and substitute concepts.

It is precisely the lack of desire to make the life of your partner more comfortable, even by changing some of your habits, that is very alarming, because, as I have already said, true love is characterized by the desire to become better for the sake of the object of your love.

Now let's look at what other actions/inactions of partners negatively affect the relationship and the feelings between them, in addition to the inability to discuss problems and making the mistakes described earlier.

What causes love to cool down? Reasons.

And here I would summarize the factors that negatively affect the romantic feeling between partners into two semantic blocks. So why does love die:

Not caring about your partner's feelings. At the same time, you may not give a damn about his feelings, but he doesn’t see this, doesn’t know, because he sees and knows something else: he is shouted at, he is humiliated, he is shown something that he does not want or should not see, he is forced to do something that he doesn’t want to do at all, for his sake they don’t want to make even a slight effort to make him feel more comfortable... Selfishness? Selfishness. How else? Every normal person should love himself and want to be loved and do something for him.

When you look unkempt, you demonstrate that you don't care about his aesthetic feelings. When you lie like a log in bed, you demonstrate that you do not want to please him. When you force him to do everything together, you demonstrate that you don't care about his personal freedom. When you're constantly talking to him like he's... small child, you are demonstrating that you don’t care about his sense of being a man. (I’m not talking about isolated cases: we all get tired, we don’t always have time or energy, but when such things are repeated over and over again, it’s a big deal).

This, as you understand, includes all those things that we talked about in previous articles. I also wrote a lot about this in the article “Recipe eternal love“- it says exactly that you need to be able to hear your partner, do something nice for him and never show a disregard for him in anything - and then he will return the same to you (if he is a good person).

Monotony. As I already wrote, monotony always breeds boredom. And boredom in a relationship (constant, persistent) has a very bad effect on emotions in a relationship. And love is also an emotion. Do you understand?

That is why I advise you to pay attention to articles like “How to competently induce jealousy”, “How to become sexier” - such actions serve precisely to dispel boredom.

This does not mean at all that you should, like in a circus, entertain your partner every day, juggle in front of him, perform acrobatic tricks and tell jokes - no. This means that everything should not always be the same, and this is talked about everywhere (and for good reason!), and you have heard it more than once.

When he comes home every day, every day his wife meets him in the same robe, with the same hairstyle, in the same mood, with the same words, they perform the usual actions, even in bed everything follows the same pattern - this is very bad for relationships.

It seems to some that it cannot be otherwise, and that sooner or later any relationship “settles down” to exactly this form - but this is not so! Yes, in order to diversify relationships from time to time, you need strength, you need energy, you need some kind of brains... And many do not have either the strength, or the desire, or even the knowledge that something needs to be changed.

But this is the case with everything in this world, and we talked about this in the article “How to become happy.” If you want to get something good, do something. If you don’t do it (no matter for what reasons: laziness, fatigue, lack of opportunity, lack of knowledge) - don’t expect someone to bring it on a platter.

It’s not for nothing that they repeat everywhere that relationships are work. And this work does not end after some months or years of marriage. But this work is worth the effort: happy, harmonious relationships give energy, a great mood, and the desire to create - and this is very important for the life of every person.

Therefore, if you really value the person next to you and your relationship, all you need to do is analyze your actions and adjust your behavior somewhere.

If such a position causes you to be rejected, it means that for you your own “I” is much more important than a happy relationship. And that's not a bad thing, it's just that the relationship isn't worth it, apparently. Either you, as you are, coincide so harmoniously with your partner that your relationship will be wonderful and very long without any effort. And that's good.

Girls, happiness to everyone! In order not to miss new articles, be among the first to know about them!

Why does love die? Part fourNext post --> I want to become rich! Where to start?

Four reasons when a woman’s feelings for a man cool down // OPTIMIST

Why do women most often stop loving a man the way they used to? The journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin published a study citing four main reasons.

72% You're too lazy

Are you one of those people who hopes that someone else will do half the work for him? “Every woman wants a man to invest in her and her children,” reminds psychologist Peter Jonason. To have something to invest, you need to earn money. To earn money, you must at least not be lazy.

71% You dress boringly

A jumper and favorite pants for all occasions? Too familiar, too like everyone else. Don't forget to add bright, unusual details to your wardrobe. Wear a shirt with a bold color pattern. On feet - monk boots. It’s not so much you who need it, but she who needs it to feel that they still want to impress her.

69% You demand too much

“A woman is always under a microscope. Society, family, men make many demands on her, and she must comply, says relationship expert Paul Hockmeyer. “And if she started complaining about something like that, this is a serious reason to listen to her and think: aren’t you too critical and demanding?”

58% You're too serious

“Guys with a sense of humor make life more fun and exciting,” says Peter McGraw, psychologist and co-author of The Humor Code, quite seriously. Self-irony is especially appreciated: “Remember how we met? You walked into a club and saw a stylish guy. I was sitting just to his right.” In general, don't be boring.

And don’t forget that you need to start working on relationships before they reach a dead end.

Tags: women men relationships reasons psychology feelings

Question for a psychologist:

Hello. I’m 21 years old, my boyfriend is 25. We’ve been together for 4.5 years, getting married in half a year. But he irritates me greatly, against this background my feelings fade away. Previously, he was more romantic, more caring, more fun. Now there is no such thing, a passive, boring guy. Even my sexual attraction to him disappeared. And intimacy is rare. Because I have a disgust for him. I became harsh, rude, my mood changes at the snap of my fingers. We seemed to be sitting fine, laughing, talking, then suddenly, suddenly, he began to irritate me. Naturally, he doesn’t understand my reaction. I'm terribly tired of this change of mood. We constantly sit at home, don’t go anywhere, and when I say that I’m not happy with him, he always answers me “as it is” or “find something better.” These are stupid excuses. He’s trying to talk to me, to find out what’s wrong with me, why my mood has changed, to which I answer “you’re annoying me” without knowing the reason. I also can’t tell you my feelings about our future marriage, because I don’t see the point. I think that words will fly into one ear and fly out of the other. I'm afraid that when I marry him, I won't be happy with him. I'm afraid that every morning I will wake up, look at him and think “how you irritate me.” But I can’t let him go either. I love. He is afraid of losing me, but he doesn’t want to do anything. I also want normal intimacy, but disgust from him and betrayal do not attract me. We can have a bed when I have a little drink. I don't want to cheat on him. And I don’t know what to do. He's a good guy, but not the same as before. From the very beginning Everything was so good. Now everything has reached a dead end, I don’t know how to stir him up, maybe I need to change something in myself? Are there any methods? Previously, I was in such a state when it seemed that everything was over, the relationship was over. When I had emptiness inside, indifference, disgust for my young man, but before this lasted a month maximum, now it lasted for 7 months. I don’t want to break up because I’m used to him, but not to his new attitude towards me. But I can’t continue like this, I also can’t torture myself constantly. I want to have butterflies in my stomach like before, love to the marrow of my bones.

Tell me, please, what to do?

Psychologist Yulia Vladimirovna Vasilyeva answers the question.

Hello, Vera!

Unfortunately, there may be many reasons for your disappointment, but judging by your letter, I can say for sure that you lack constant attention from your boyfriend. Your relationship has passed the candy-bouquet period and monotonous everyday life has begun. The time for passion has passed, and you are faced with reality. Maybe it wasn’t love at all, but just affection or infatuation... Understand that it’s impossible to celebrate all the time! It's impossible to be the center of attention all the time!

Relationships in the family require return from both sides, and when there is one-sided return, the partner quickly gets tired and loses interest. Learn to serve each other in the ordinary days of your life, in simple things. It is important that in your relationship you have common interests, common dreams, common joys, common goals. It is important that together you look in the same direction. You asked a question in your letter: will I be happy in marriage with him? And you should set yourself up even before marriage for another more important question: can I make this person happy, am I ready to devote my life to him? If you have only your own interest in this relationship, to please you and only make you happy, then such a relationship will fail. Selfishness is the main root of disagreement and family problems. Analyze your behavior and ask yourself questions:

1. Am I ready to sacrifice something for the sake of my loved one?

2. Will I be there for him if something bad happens?

3. Do I know my boyfriend’s needs, how can I please him?

4. Do I want this man to be the father of my children?

5. What are our common interests?

6. What are our common dreams and goals?

7. On what do I base my love for him?

8. Do I want to make him happy? What can I do for this?

9. Are our relationships a habit, an attachment, or real feelings?

10. Do I want to be with this person for the rest of my life?

Vera, you can answer these questions yourself or discuss them together, this will help you understand what you are building your relationship on and what awaits you in the future. True love accepts a person as he is and does not try to change him or adjust him to his interests.

I recommend that you talk and discuss topics that concern you more together. Share your needs with each other, this is important because it is very difficult to guess what your partner wants in a given situation. Plan your weekend together, then your days will become more colorful, show your imagination, the main thing is that the events of your life be an interesting adventure. How the future relationship will develop depends on the two of you. If the crisis grows, I do not recommend you tie the knot. Grow up and work on yourself, on your character.

Great love burned in my heart. It burned so intensely that even my whole body was burning. And it seemed that love would be like this forever. But, as life has shown, nothing lasts forever. You enjoyed love and its power, but... It's all gone! You yourself don’t understand how and when...

What to do with cooled feelings?

You don't have to do anything with them

Leave them as they are, pretending that this is how it should be.

You can try to understand the truth of the reasons for the cooling of feelings

It doesn't really matter how much time it takes. The main thing here is efficiency.

Or you can kill the feeling so that the coldness coming from them no longer weighs on you

The option is the most severe. And what? This certainly shouldn’t scare you away!

Try to bring back the fervor of feelings!

Or are you afraid of getting burned...?

Everything can be done carefully, thoughtfully, and little by little. If the choice is to return old feelings, we wish you! You may be “slowed down” by a phrase that says that it is better not to return the old, but you do not have to obey this phrase. Listen to yourself and the heart that beats inside you!

What to do, how to return cooled feelings?

If you want to return what was, return it using these simple rules:

Reminisce often about wonderful moments from your past.

Repeat in reality everything that you liked before until your feelings cool down.

Believe that you can return the feelings.

It's all quite simple, of course. Perhaps even! The main thing is to be sure that it is necessary. And not one person, but two and with equal strength! Otherwise... - all efforts will fall into empty emptiness.

Stop! Another option! - Start a new life...

With the person because of whom your feelings for your former “beau” have cooled. You will hurt him, but do not sacrifice yourself to the man. A smart person will understand and forgive. I don’t want to offend you, but you are not the only woman on planet Earth, after all!

In general, it’s selfish to think so, but it’s good that it happened to you and not to him...

If his feelings for you cooled down, everything would become complicated in an instant! Men think and reason differently than women. A man, when he feels that the feeling is disappearing, does not understand anything at all, but begins to look for a replacement. He does not stand on ceremony about the condition of the girl whom he will leave for another.

Where are you now?

Probably in the room with a laptop or computer. Doesn't matter. Briefly speaking…. Wherever you are now, run to the kitchen! You need this “escape” solely for the sake of a few simple movements….

Haven't guessed which ones yet?

Turn on the kettle! Or put it on the stove if you don't have an electric one. I need to make some coffee and calm down... I can imagine what a labyrinth they are!

And the labyrinth of thoughts must be neutralized so as not to be an obstacle in important decision-making!

If you don't drink coffee, make tea. The meaning will not change one bit if you “change” the drink you prepare. Are you ready? Enjoy your coffee (tea)! Give your thoughts a rest while you drink the prepared “sedative”...

Girls' comments about cooled feelings

Eleanor (19 years old): Say goodbye to old feelings if they decide to cool down! Open the way to new feelings. There is no need to be afraid to change anything in life. That's what I would do!

Daria (23 years old): If you love, rekindle, return feelings. If you don’t love, know how to let go so as not to torment your former loved one! But I want to say that there are no former loved ones. Love cannot cool down without a reason! Maybe it seemed to you? Look it over again. This is necessary... and don’t you dare resist!

Samantha (33 years old): How familiar is all this to me... I remember when I was seventeen... But it all started a day before. I dated a guy (and am still dating)… for a long time. And here he is! All this glamorous guy is handsome. I liked him so much that I instantly decided to destroy my previous relationship. I was already planning to tell Andryukha (my boyfriend) that we were breaking up. The words “composed”…. It began to seem to me that I had stopped loving Andrei. At first it was scary for me to think like that. Then I began to reassure myself that I took love as a habit... My birthday has arrived... Andryushka gave me a huge bouquet of roses and perfume, which I had long dreamed of. He congratulated me so much that I burst into tears... It dawned on me what a huge mistake I was making! It’s so good that I managed to come to my senses. Girls, do not make “sharp” turns. You may regret it and not correct what you have done.

Veronica (17 years old): What to do when feelings cool down? - To figure out whether the feelings are real. Anything is possible, anything happens! Confusing feelings is real. If you are sure that you had feelings, but have drifted away, start thinking about taking action. Decide exactly how your life will be easier. If you lack those feelings that have cooled down, return them! If you understand that you are fine without them, little by little let go of what you used to feel. That's the only way I would do it! Hard? It would be hard anyway! Feelings are something that are not always permanent. But if you valued them, return them! Never give it to anyone! Fight if you have to! What is real comes only once... This should be appreciated! The way you appreciate the most significant moments of your life. Love…. She is alone!